In a profoundly moving and vulnerable interview, actress Aubrey Plaza has broken her silence about the devastating grief she has experienced following the death of her husband, filmmaker Jeff Baena, who died by suicide eight months ago. The Parks and Recreation star described her ongoing struggle with loss as a “giant ocean of awfulness” that she navigates daily.

Plaza, known for her deadpan humor and eccentric characters, has chosen to speak openly about her experience with bereavement in hopes of destigmatizing conversations around mental health and suicide. Her candid revelations provide a window into the complex, nonlinear nature of grief and the daily challenges faced by those who have lost loved ones to suicide.

The “Giant Ocean of Awfulness”: Plaza’s Description of Grief

Plaza’s metaphor of grief as a “giant ocean of awfulness” powerfully captures the overwhelming and all-encompassing nature of profound loss. She elaborated on this description, explaining that some days she feels like she’s drowning in the waves, while on other days she manages to stay afloat. The unpredictability of grief, she noted, is one of its most challenging aspects.

The actress shared that the initial months following Baena’s death were characterized by numbness and disbelief. As time has passed, the reality of her loss has settled in, bringing with it waves of sadness, anger, and confusion—emotions she acknowledges as natural components of the grieving process.

The Daily Struggle Eight Months On

Plaza was surprisingly candid about how grief continues to affect her daily life eight months after her husband’s death. She described mornings as particularly difficult, waking up to the renewed realization that Jeff is gone. Simple tasks that were once routine now require monumental effort, and she has had to learn to be gentle with herself on days when functioning at full capacity feels impossible.

Despite the pain, Plaza emphasized that she’s learning to carry her grief with her rather than trying to “get over it” or “move on”—phrases she finds unhelpful in describing the bereavement process. She’s discovered small rituals that help her feel connected to Baena, such as listening to his favorite music or visiting places they enjoyed together.

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Remembering Jeff Baena: Their Relationship and Partnership

Jeff Baena was an accomplished filmmaker known for his work on movies like “Life After Beth,” “The Little Hours,” and “Horse Girl,” several of which starred Plaza. The couple met on the set of “Safety Not Guaranteed” in 2011 and formed a connection that blended their personal and professional lives in a unique partnership.

Friends of the couple have described their relationship as deeply collaborative and intellectually stimulating. They shared a love for unconventional storytelling and dark comedy, often working together on projects that challenged traditional narrative structures. This creative synergy made them one of Hollywood’s most interesting behind-the-scenes partnerships.

Navigating Public Grief While in the Spotlight

Plaza spoke about the particular challenges of grieving in the public eye. As a celebrity, her loss became public knowledge almost immediately, with news outlets reporting on Baena’s death before she had even processed the information herself. The invasion of privacy during her most vulnerable moments added an additional layer of pain to an already devastating situation.

The actress made a conscious decision to step away from public appearances and social media in the immediate aftermath of her husband’s death. She credits this boundary-setting with giving her the space she needed to begin processing her grief without external pressures or expectations.

The Complexities of Suicide Loss

Plaza addressed the unique pain that comes with losing someone to suicide, including feelings of guilt, unanswered questions, and the stigma that still surrounds suicide death. She has been working with a grief counselor specializing in suicide loss, who has helped her understand that her husband’s decision was a result of mental illness rather than a reflection of their relationship or her worth as a partner.

The actress has become an advocate for mental health awareness in the months since Baena’s death, though she acknowledges she’s still early in her own healing journey. She hopes that by speaking openly about her experience, she might help others who are navigating similar losses feel less alone.

Returning to Work: Acting as Catharsis

Plaza recently returned to work, acknowledging that immersing herself in characters has provided a temporary respite from her own pain. She described acting as a form of therapy that allows her to step outside of herself for brief periods, though she also noted that certain roles or scenes can unexpectedly trigger waves of emotion connected to her grief.

Colleagues and directors who have worked with Plaza since her return have spoken about her professionalism and the depth she’s bringing to her performances. Many have noted that while her grief is palpable, it seems to have added new layers to her already considerable talent.

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The Path Forward

As Plaza continues to navigate her grief, she emphasizes that she’s taking things one day at a time. She’s learning to accept that some days will be better than others and that healing isn’t linear. The actress has found solace in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses, discovering that shared understanding can be profoundly comforting.

While the pain of her husband’s absence remains acute, Plaza is gradually finding ways to integrate her loss into her life rather than being consumed by it. She describes this process as “learning to carry two things at once”—the weight of her grief and the possibility of future joy.

Plaza’s candid discussion of her grief journey offers a powerful reminder of the importance of mental health awareness and the need for compassionate conversations around suicide and bereavement. Her willingness to share her experience publicly represents both a tribute to her husband’s memory and a gift to others navigating similar losses.